Roller coaster

I went to bed last Saturday feeling more tired than usual, especially considering I’d been getting plenty of sleep. The previous days I had felt “off.” Not right. Not sick, but not normal either.

I dreamt I was on a Global Expeditions mission trip. There was activity all around me, teens getting ready to go somewhere, dozens and dozens of them, but I was in bed in the middle of this outdoor activity. I was unable to get up. I had no strength.

Then I awoke.

I had no strength. I got up and felt chest pains. I tried to get dressed to go to church, but I lay down again, curled up in a ball. After a six-year remission, lupus had struck.

That was Sunday. I spent the entire day in bed or on the couch, mostly sleeping or reading. I’ve been on the couch since. Praise God that I’m not so fatigued that I have to sleep all the time, as I did six years ago. Maybe this is God’s way of getting me to slow down. I called in sick. I have had enough strength to get together Jacob’s schedule for each day, to test him or go over material, and to lie on the couch and read. And then read some more. Or talk to Jacob. I’ve read three books since Sunday…!

I have felt better, then worse. Better, almost well – then not so well. But still, I know God’s hand is in this. I know that He gave me this little bout of illness in order to rest. My only symptoms are chest pains and a little more fatigue than usual. Coworkers urged me to see a doctor. I did. The EKG was normal. I’ve not had a heart attack. All indications are a minor episode of lupus. It’s an autoimmune disease that can be in remission for years – or forever. Or it can kick in at any time, especially after an illness or from stress. Working full-time and homeschooling certainly are stressful!

I have been praying that I get well because I have five more years of homeschooling ahead, God willing.